Tonight I drove by our house on Kamloops, parked my car across the street from our house we lived in for 15+ years and I cried. I cried as I imagined you walking out the front door. I cried as I could see us all eating dinner in the dining room. I cried as I looked at the driveway and thru the fence I could see the lights in the backyard, Daytona Beach was back there (your nickname for our giant-sized beautiful swimming pool) and I cried more. I turned off my car, looked over at the neighbors house and they both still live there in the houses across from ours, both neighbors. I wanted to go knock on their door and cry more. I wanted to see and talk to them about you, try to live thru their memories and reminisce how our kids lived life with laughter and fun growing up together. I cried because their houses were dark, no lights were on and I knew it would be a mistake to go knock on their door. I cried thinking of when you would ride your bike home from Jr. High school, then driving your truck home from High School. I cried thinking of so many memories we created in that house. I cried as I started my car and drove away, thinking of my life today without you, My Son. I cry missing you and cry harder because all I have now are memories. As I drove home, I cried. Took a shower and got in bed, my tears they wouldn’t stop, Joseph! I’m now in your bedroom, laying in your bed looking at everything here that is still yours. My tears now sting my eyes, it hurts. I’m getting sleepy now, it’s 12:34 am, I think I’ll close my eyes. I’m still crying, it still hurts.
Joseph, please come to my dreams tonight my son, please help me.
Losing Joe - Finding My Way Thru Grief 